


Just Can't Believe

by WrittenFire



Series: Whumptober 2019: Mcdanno Style [9]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Danny comforts Steve, M/M, Medication side effects, POV Steve McGarrett, Steve McGarrett Feels, Steve McGarrett Has Issues, Whumptober 2019, discussion of medication, how the heck else do I tag this fic, i do not know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25891759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenFire/pseuds/WrittenFire
Summary: Steve and Danny are finally giving into years of UST, but the night is derailed when Steve can't rise to the occasion. Danny works the truth out of Steve, and comforts him.ora fic exploring one of those pesky side affects of anti-depressants, with Danny proving to Steve there is nothing to be ashamed about.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: Whumptober 2019: Mcdanno Style [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1503434
Comments: 10
Kudos: 109





	Just Can't Believe

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a story I've been wanting to read, and finally got around to doing myself! It's for the whumptober prompt, day 25: Humiliation. It's about anti-depressants, and the way it can affect your sex drive. I love this one, and I hope that you do too! A big thanks to [piratefalls](https://piratefalls.tumblr.com/) and [too-much-in-my-brain](https://too-much-in-my-brain.tumblr.com/) for reading this over for me!
> 
> Happy reading!

_ It was finally happening. _ Steve could hardly believe it; after years of 'platonic' touches, fiery looks and days spent yearning, he and Danny were giving into all the unresolved sexual tension between them. It had only taken them six years to throw caution to the wind and follow their desires, but better late than later, right? To think that all it took was a single, innocent remark to light their spark—"Don’t worry, Danny, you always look handsome in uniform!"—and Danny was turning to him, hands framing his face and pulling to him, lips pressing into Steve's gently, a soft press that turned firm.

Steve melted into it, hands finding their way onto Danny's hips. They pulled away only to crash back into one another again, happily drowning in the sensation. Danny swung a leg over, settling on Steve's thighs, knees blocking him in. He was a heavier weight than Steve was used to, but he found he wanted more of it, wanted Danny to go from that straddle to lying fully on top of him, caging him in and surrounding Steve in his delicious scent. If he was lucky they'd end up in that position soon—though with Danny, he would be happy with anything.

Danny nibbled on Steve’s lower lip, drawing a low groan from the man; his tongue immediately soothed the sting, and soon their tongues were dancing, hands roaming new land, knocking clothing askew. It wasn’t until Danny went to release Steve from his trousers, his own pants long lost to the floor that they noticed the issue. When Danny’s hands touched his flaccid member—a direct contrast to his own hard on, tenting his boxers in the most delicious way—they both paused, slowly separating and eyes drawn to Steve’s lap. 

_ It made no sense.  _ Everything that they had been doing were things Steve had fantasized about before. How was it that they could stir him just months ago, and now? Now, despite how warm their actions were making him, he couldn’t rise to the occasion. He had always thought that their first time would be a quick thing, a much needed release from years of buildup.  _ This was not happening. _

“Steve?” Danny’s voice brought him out of his head, and he finally noticed how tense he had become, noticed the burn of shame and humiliation that suffused his entire being. He didn’t want to meet his eyes, to chance seeing any judgment or pity. Warm hands cupped his face, drawing his gaze up and forcing their eyes to meet. “Steve, what’s wrong?” 

A shuddering breath escaped him, his hands gripping Danny tight. “Nothin’, D. I’m fine. Let me just—” He cut himself off by leaning up for a kiss, hoping to distract Danny from asking questions by at least getting him off. Danny pulled away before he could get very far, a too familiar frown marring his face. 

“No distracting me with your—admittedly wonderful—kisses, babe. What’s going on?” Steve sighed in the face of all that focus. “Talk to me.”

A quick glance down showed that Danny’s hard on had eased, the fire no doubt doused out with his worry over Steve’s reaction. If he had just played it off, acted like he just needed a little more time then maybe Danny would not have noticed at all. The thought barely crosses his mind before he shied away from it; given how well he knew Danny, Steve knew his partner wouldn’t just dismiss this and carry on as if nothing had happened.

But oh, did Steve want him to. Talking about the fact that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get an erection—not, at least, unless he was really willing to put in the time and effort—was the last thing he wanted to discuss with  _ anybody,  _ let alone the man who he had been wanting to get into bed with for years. 

But there was no way that Danny would let this go, and he knew it. 

Sighing, Steve let his head fall back so it thunked gently on to back of the couch, wishing in that moment that it was less cushioned. The pain would have distracted Danny, he was sure—for all of a moment at least. His hands tightened their grip on Danny’s hips, his brain running in frustrated circles, before gentling with an apologetic rub of his thumbs. 

“Lately, I’ve been having a hard time...well, rising to the occasion,” Steve finally admitted, staring dispassionately up at the ceiling. “I can get there, eventually, but sometimes it’s just—too frustrating, and I give up. It’s just not worth the effort for a release that’s not as fulfilling as it should be.” 

Danny was quiet for a long moment, long enough that Steve wished he could squirm away and disappear into the night. “What’s changed, since this started?” 

The question took Steve by surprise. “What?”

Danny huffed quietly. “In your life, Steven. What’s changed? Do you have a stress I don’t know about? Did you start anything you didn’t tell me?” 

“I…” Steve raised his head to look at Danny, seeing the serious concern on his face. “I followed your advice. Finally.” Before Danny could ask the question, Steve pre-emptively answered it. “I started seeing someone. Professionally.” 

“Steve,” Danny kisses him so softly Steve could weep. “Babe, that’s great. I’m proud of you. But I get the feeling that’s not the problem here.”

He sighed, and finally admitted his shame. “They started me on antidepressants.” 

Danny was quiet, eyes roving his face. Steve didn’t want to look and see what he’d find there. “Steve.” Danny’s pointed silence drew Steve’s eyes back to his. “That’s not a bad thing. You know that, right? Ah, no, don’t try and interrupt me!” He covered Steve’s lips with his palm. “It’s a good thing, Steve, honestly. I’ve noticed the past couple months that you’ve been more settled, more open. Definitely happier. None of that is a bad thing.”

When Danny slowly moved his hand, Steve stayed silent, soaking in the words. What Danny said next shocked him. 

“I’ve been on antidepressants. I’ve been seeing a therapist since I was a teen, when the world becomes too much to handle. They usually have me on medication, and they may raise the dose before you truly feel the effects, but babe, once you feel like you have a handle on it and can be ok they’ll lower it. I’m on a low dose myself, right now.”

“You are? Since when?” How had Steve not known this?

“Yeah, since—since Colombia. It was just...one thing too many, so I started seeing a psychiatrist again, added the medication back into my routine. It was definitely what I needed.” Danny smiled softly at him, cupping his face gently in his hands. “I’m really proud of you, Steve. I know how hard it must have been for you, to start seeing someone, let alone being put on medication.” The kiss he gave him was just as soft and sweet as his smile was. Steve can’t help but melt into it. 

“Yeah?” He had to ask, needed that extra confirmation. 

“Yeah, babe. And, well, that gives you some good news too.” Danny ran a hand through Steve’s hair, cupping the back of his head. It’s like now that he knew he could touch with intent, he couldn’t stop.

“And what’s that?” Steve asked, slowly exploring Danny himself, sliding his hands under Danny’s tee to rub his thumbs over bare, warm skin.

“Well, you can stop being embarrassed, for one.” Danny stated boldly; Steve should have known he would catch onto that, earlier. The man knew him too well. “And don’t try and deny that you were, even though you shouldn’t have been. Did your doctor discuss side effects at all?”

He took a moment to think, but can’t recall them ever being stated. Steve shook his head. “Okay, well, anti-depressants affect your sex drive. Your libido is pretty shot, for a while, and even when you  _ want  _ to, uh, get it up, it takes some time. Sometimes you even get there, but can’t reach completion. It's not anything to be embarrassed or ashamed about, it just happens.” 

The words sent a wave of relief through Steve; he sank back into the couch, head falling further into Danny’s waiting hand. While he’s not happy he wasn’t warned about this, he can’t deny that knowing it wasn’t  _ him  _ is the greatest relief. “Yeah?” he has to ask, needing that confirmation again.

“Yeah, babe.” Danny confirmed. They sat in silence after that, Danny content to run his fingers through Steve’s hair while he took it all in. Steve was going to be looking into that, now, bringing it up in discussion at his next doctor's visit. Steve was surprised with himself that he hadn’t before, if he was honest, but when the doctor had given him the prescription, his mind admittedly became hyper focused on the new addition to his life and what it all could mean. 

Just seeing a psychiatrist was a huge step for him, and the added medicine to his regime set him off course for a time. He was out of whack, to paraphrase something he’d heard Grace say before. And since he hadn’t told Danny at the start, figuring out the best time to tell him about these additions to his life became increasingly difficult. He didn’t want to be ashamed, or embarrassed, but the stigma surrounding mental health—though better in recent years—had been awful in his formative years. It left an impression. 

“Well...the mood is officially shot.” Steve finally broke the silence, smiling sheepishly at Danny. “I’m glad that it’s not a  _ me _ problem, but uh, I don’t think I feel…” The gentle tug of his hair cut him off, just as Danny no doubt intended. 

“Don’t be sorry about that, babe. I’d be happy just to—be, with you.” Danny admitted, the dusting of pink flooding his cheeks endearingly. Steve had to follow it with a smattering of kisses. “It’s late anyways,” Steve checked the wall clock to see that it was, indeed, about time for bed. 

“I don’t want you to leave.” Steve drew him in closer, holding onto him tighter. “Go to bed with me?” He couldn’t help how his uncertainty bled through, his nerves over Danny maybe choosing to leave anyway, despite his words stating otherwise.

“Of course, Steve.” Steve chased the taste of the smile that followed, heart all but bursting with love for this man. What he had done to deserve him, he’d never know. But he was glad for it. “Come on, old man, let’s go to bed.” Danny stood, holding out his hand and pulling Steve to his feet. “Do your lock up routine. I’ll be waiting upstairs.” He kissed him  _ on the fucking nose,  _ how dare he be so cute? Steve watched him pick up their discarded clothes and saunter upstairs, eyes drawn to the bubble butt he planned to sink his teeth into, one day. He could write odes to it, and had definitive plans to worship it someday soon. 

Shaking himself out of old fantasies, Steve did as Danny said and went through his nightly routine, securing the locks, making sure the security system was armed and turning off all lights along the way. He all but jogged up the stairs, the image of Danny waiting for him in his bed spurring him on. As he hoped, Danny was lying in his bed when he entered the room, covers pulled up to his waist, not shy about the amount of skin on display as he plugged in his phone, making sure his alarm was set for the next morning.

Steve basked in the sight a moment longer before finishing his nightly routine; he brushed his teeth, went to the bathroom, tossed the rest of his clothes in his dirty hamper—getting a thrill at seeing Danny’s clothes mixed in with his—and followed Danny’s steps of plugging his phone in and checking for his alarms. He had the feeling he wouldn’t be getting up for his daily swim tomorrow morning, knowing that having Danny in his bed would lure him into staying there himself, the desire to stay close outweighed the call of the ocean. 

Digging around for the remote, Steve turned on a classic movie, something Danny had seen a number of times, volume down low so that Danny could fall asleep that night with ease. Over the years he had grown accustomed to the extra sound, mixed in with the crash of the waves, and with Danny finally in his arms, Steve doubted he’ll have a hard time falling asleep himself for once. 

He turned onto his side, biting his lip as nerves started to build. Danny chased them all, scooting until his back was pressed to Steve’s chest, legs tangling under the sheet, Steve’s arm naturally draped over Danny’s waist. Their fingers linked, Danny pressed a soft kiss to Steve’s hand before settling it back over himself; they were pressed as close as could be with Danny’s head pillowed on Steve’s arm, and Steve’s nose buried in Danny’s neck, the comforting scent of the Jersey native soothing out the last of his worries. 

“Goodnight, Steve,” Danny said softly into the hush of the night. 

“Goodnight, Danno,” Steve replied, waiting until Danny had drifted into sleep—a comforting weight against him—to whisper a heartfelt, “I love you.” This, right here, was everything he knew he needed, but never thought he would get. There was further talk to be had in the morning, he knew, discussions of the change in their relationship and soothing of any lingering insecurities about Steve’s diminished libido. But with Danny, he found himself ready, willing, and looking forward to it. Because with Danny, Steve was always accepted, wanted, and loved. It’s something he would  _ always  _ treasure, and something he could only hope Danny knew was returned. 

Because Danny deserved all of that and more—for in Danny, Steve had found his home. 

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, I love this one, so much. I am beyond grateful for the discord I joined because I not only finished this, but another WITH yet another story started! And I've only been in it about, two days now? Maybe three? It's definitely worked out in my favor!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please, let me know what you think! <3


End file.
